Friday, April 13, 2012

Chicago Bulls All-Awesome Team 2000-2012

I decided to make a "All-Awesome Team" because fuck it I'm bored. I'm choosing one player from each of the 2000-2012 teams. The same player cannot be selected twice. Chosen players have to be bad or weird or white or fuck this criteria I'm just going to pick people.

Point Guard - Khalid El-Amin 2000-2001

*sounds of really loud mouth breathing*

The Bulls selected El-Amin in the 2nd round with the 5th pick. 2000-2001 was the only year he played in the NBA. 


50 Games
18.7 Minutes
6.3 Points
2.9 Assists
1.6 Rebounds
41.5% eFG%
12.2 PER

Chosen because
Shining Moment

Khalid dropped 21 points off the bench against the Wizards in 25 minutes (Bryce Drew started that game)

Shooting Guard - Flip Murray 2009-2010

"Time for my patented 3/4 court hook shot"

Flip came over with Acie Law and a protected first round pick in the Tyrus Thomas trade. 2009-2010 was his last year in the league.


29 Games
23.4 Minutes
10.1 Points
2.9 Rebounds
1.8 Assists
44.9 % eFG%
12.1 PER

Chosen Because
  • He was a grown man that went by the name "Flip"
  • This was his last year in the league even though he was pretty okay
  • I liked his jump shot

Shining Moment

25 points and 5 steals against the Magic. Our starters that game were Acie Law, Jannero Pargo, Flip Murray, Taj Gibson, and Brad Miller. ಠ_ಠ

Small Forward - Old Ass Scottie Pippen 2003-2004

"I'm old and prefer a diet high in fiber"

Scottie was 38 in 03-04. It was pretty neat of him to retire in a Bulls uniform though. 


23 Games
17.9 Minutes
5.9 Points
3.0 Rebounds
2.2 Assists
42.5% eFG%
12.4 PER

Chosen Because
  • It's fucking Scottie Pippen
  • He was really old

Shining Moment

Scottie had a vintage night against the Blazers putting up a line of 17/7/4/1/1 in 35 minutes.

Power Forward - Old Ass Charles Oakley 2001-2002

"You. Come over here and let me tell you what it 
was like growing up during the Great Depression."

Oak. BFF of MJ. He was also 38 when he played for the Bulls in 2001. He went on to play until he was 40.


57 Games
24.3 Minutes
3.8 Points
6 Rebounds
2 Assists
37.1% eFG%
6.6 PER

Chosen Because
  • It's fucking Charles Oakley
  • He was really old

Shining Moment

13 points and 12 rebounds against the Wizards

Center - The White Panther 2007-2008

"This uniform is going to get me so much pussy."

The legacy of The White Panther began in 2007 when he was selected by the Bulls with the 19th pick in the 2nd round.


61 Games
10 Minutes
4.3 Points
2.8 Rebounds
0.7 Assists
50.5% eFG%
13.9 PER

Chosen Because
  • Fucking look at him

Shining Moment

Making the most of his only start of the season, The White Panther dominated the Raptors with 19 points and 22 rebounds.

6th Man - Eddie Robinson 2002-2003 G/F

"I'm really self-conscious about my ears, okay? Leave me alone."

E-Rob. I used to love this guy. He played 5 years in the NBA and 3 of them were for the Bulls.


64 Games
21.2 Minutes
5.7 Points
3.1 Rebounds
1.0 Assists
49.7% eFG%
11.5 PER

Chosen Because
  • Man, that fucking headband was so good. He always wore it like that.
  • E-Rob is a great nickname
  • Great hair
Shining Moment

Johnny Red Kerr chuckling at the end made me happy and sad at the same time

Bench - Eric Piatkowski 2004-2005 G/F

"My head looks like it was photoshopped onto an athletic body"

Eric Piatkowski was a classic white dude. He was really good at shooting basketballs and not good at anything else. I almost went with  Jared Reiner, but who the fuck is Jared Reiner? Seriously. Jared Reiner started 2 games in 04-05. Seriously. Who the fuck is Jared Reiner?


68 Games
12.4 Minutes
4.8 Points
1.2 Rebounds
0.8 Assists
54.1% eFG% - Classic "classic white guy" shooting percentage
12.4 PER

Chosen Because
  • He's white
  • His last name is really long
  • He started 11 games that season despite being a white guy

Shining Moment

He scored 24 points on 7 of 11 shooting and making 5 of his 8 3PT in a loss to the Kings

Bench - Luke Schenscher 2005-2006 C

"I think shaving my arm pits has improved my jump shooting dramatically"

White dude with red hair and a weird last name. Of course he's making the list.


20 Games
7.5 Minutes
1.8 Points
1.5 Rebounds
0.4 Assists
61.5% eFG%
9.3 PER

Chosen Because
  • Huge white dude
  • Curly red Hair

Shining Moment

10 points on 5 of 6 shooting and 4 rebounds in 17 minutes in a blowout win against the Blazers

Bench - Mike Sweetney 2006-2007 F

"Ehhre, eh ut mah oof en dis up. Eep et ayfe or meh."

He came over in the fucking amazing, glorious Eddy Curry trade. He was a good "fat black guy" replacement for Eddy too. Sweets was out of the league after this season.


48 Games
8 Minutes
3.2 Points
2.5 Rebounds
0.6 Assists
43.3% eFG%
10.9 PER

Chosen Because
  • He was fat and his nickname was "Sweets"

Shining Moment

Filled the stat sheet with a line of 13/11/4/2/1 in a win over the Grizzlies

Bench - Old Ass Lindsey Hunter - 2008-2009 PG

"Run off some screens while I hold off my defender with my huge ass"

He was the classic "old veteran point guard that drops his wisdom on younger point guards end of the bench guy"


28 Games
9.5 Minutes
2.6 Points
0.4 Rebounds
0.4 Assists
42.7% eFG%
7.9 PER

Chosen Because
  • Really old
  • Has a girls name

Shining Moment

13 points and 2 steals in 21 minutes in a loss to the Cavs.

Bench - Brian Scalabrine 2010-2011 PF

"Everybody chill the fuck out. I got this."

The White Mamba. Everyone fucking loves this guy.


18 Games
4.9 Minutes
1.1 Points
0.4 Rebounds
0.3 Assists
52.6% eFG%
6.5 PER

Chosen Because
  • White
  • Red hair
  • Great Nickname

Shining Moment

The Mamba stuffed the stat sheet with a line of 6/2/2/2/1 in 20 minutes in a win against the Pistons.

Bench - Mike James 2011-2012 PG

"TIME TO DUNK THIS SHI.....ahh fuck"

WHO? MIKE JAMES? I hate when Stacey King says that.


9 Games
10.1 Minutes
4.8 Points
0.9 Rebounds
2.8 Assists
45.0% eFG%
14.8 PER

Chosen Because
  • Old
  • The dude has played for 9 teams
  • Randomly averaged 20 points in 05-06
  • He's fouled out twice in 9 games

Shining Moment

16 points and 7 assists in 23 minutes in a loss against the Nets.

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