Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Shit Stacey King Says: January 25, 2012 Bulls vs. Pacers

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things
 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

  • "You're head is too small to do a bobble-head." Stacey with a classic zinger on Neil Funk
  • "He forgot to ask someone about Derrick Rose's vertical leap." Rose blocks Paul George's jumper
  • "I tell you what, Am-and-sand is like a bull in a china shop. He has NO finesse." Lou Amundson turnover
  • "Trick or treat, taking your candy, Mr. Hibbert." Rose steals the ball from Hibbert in the post
  • "Chicago's finest brew." Ronnie Brewer foul and the bucket
  • "I'm a vanilla man. That's too much mustard on the hot dog." No idea

The Carlos Boozer Playbook: Part 2 - How to Make a Jumpshot

Step 1
Receive Ball

Step 2
Square Up and Act Like You Are Going to Drive to the Hoop

Step 3
Shoot a Jumper Straight up in the Air with the Ball Way Behind Your Head

The Many Faces of Kevin Love

Taco Trey Kirby has compiled a bunch of silly Kevin Love faces for us to enjoy 

Monday, January 23, 2012

Shit Stacey King Says: January 23, 2012 Bulls vs. Nets

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things
 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

  • "Chicago's finest brew." Ronnie Brewer layup
  • "Who's that masked man, Neil Funk? It's Rip Hamilton!" Rip made a tough shot fading to his right
  • "OH, SCAL! THE WHITE MAMBA DON'T DO 'EM LIKE THAT! DON'T SHOW THEM THE VERSATILITY! SHOW ONE SIDE THEN GO TO THE OTHER! Boy that boy is smooth, Funk." Scalabrine with a reverse layup
  • "He's not a side show. The White Mamba can play."
  • "I'll tell ya. He had an off-season that you probably don't want to remember. He got married to Kim Kardashian and that...was a disaster. I mean, it was, that marriage was over as fast as your hair gone." Stacey zinging Kris Humphries and Neil Funk in one rant
  • "I'm sittin' here 'are we talking to Doctor Phil'? He's like the ODE...ODA? What is that? Dan is...Dan has his own language. I like Dan. Dan, Dan is creative. I like a man who's creative." No idea what the fuck this whole thing was about. Some guy came on during a timeout and was talking about Noah's "Outward Display of Emotion"
  • "I tell you right there, it's trick or treat. We're taking your candy." Rose had back to back steals
  • "Scalabrine, he's showing it all. NOT ONLY CAN HE SHOOT THE JUMPER, BUT HE GETS HIS TEAMMATES INVOLVED. So smooth, so smooth." Scalabrine with an assist to Boozer.
  • "AHHHH, LET ME TAKE A STEP BACK AND KISS MYSELF, NEIL FUNK. *kissing noises*" Derrick Rose step back jumper

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Shit Stacey King Says: January 21, 2012 Bulls vs. Bobcats

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things
 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

  • "He's still passing out tickets to the Booze Cruise." Boozer made his first jumpshot
  • "They parted that like the Red Sea." There was a driving lane for CJ
  • "This is what we call post up right here, like Raisin Bran." Boozer made a baby hook over Mullens
  • "Deng-gerous." Luol Deng made a jumpshot
  • "Ohhhh no soup for you!" Omer Asik blocked a shot
  • "Luol Deng-gerous Deng" Deng put-back dunk
  • "Kemba Walker is 6 foot, if that. Maybe if he had heels on."
  • He referred to Omer Asik as the Turkish Wall
  • "That jumper is wet, Funk. It's wet!" Boozer made a jumper

Friday, January 20, 2012

Shit Stacey King Says: January 20, 2012 Bulls @ Cavs

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things
 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch Phrase!"

  • "Heeeeere's Johnny!" John Lucas III made a jumper.
  • "Hop aboard the Booz cruise" Carlos Boozer made a layup.
  • "Well, Funk, you know what I call that: Heart, hustle, and muscle." On Taj and Noah continuing to play after rolling their ankles.
  • "CJ Watson. Elementary, my dear." CJ Watson used a crossover to go by someone.
  • "Mouse in the house. Free cheese, Funk." Rip Hamilton scored an and-one by posting up a smaller defender.
  • "I don't block a lot of shots, but when I do, it's yours." Stacey talking as if he were Luol Deng after Deng's block on Omri Caspi.
  • "Can I get some butter with that roll, CJ WAT-SON-AH?!" CJ made a layup
  • "Hah, I think he forgot the rim was 10 feet. Is he shooting on a nerf hoop?" Ramon Sessions bricked a layup.
  • "WHAT'S HIS NAME?! MIKE JAMES!" Mike James with an and-one
  • "If you're scared go buy a dog, Neil Funk." Talking about Luke Harangody pump faking too much.
  • "Yes sir. The White Mamba strikes." Scalabrine hits a jumper.

The Miami Heat Get Their Retro Vibes On

The bros on the Miami Heat decided they wanted to be hilarious and model what it would look like if they were playing in the '70s.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Carlos Boozer Playbook: Part 1 - How to Score in the Post

Step 1
Recieve Ball in Post

Step 2
Contemplate Options

"Ehhhh, do I really want to make a stupid post move?"