Shit Stacey King Says: Tuesday October 9th, 2012 Bulls vs. Grizzlies (Preseason)

Every Bulls Game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

1st quarter

• "That's a man's rebound right there" - Taj Gibson rebound and put back
• "Who's that masked man?" - Stacey on a replay of Rip's transition layup
• "Don't sleep on his size." - Stacey on Nate Robinson's height
• "Splash." - Bellineli with a fade away

2nd quarter

• "Awhhh Deng-erous." - Deng with a 3

A Moment of Silence for Derrick Rose

R.I.P. Derrick Rose. It was pretty awesome when you were still alive. You made some great dunks and crazy layups where you spun the ball off the backboard and stuff.

I only got to see you alive 3 times in person, but each time was pretty great. In your rookie season, I remember you doing some sort of behind the back to a crossover move during a fast break against Jose Calderon that made me be like, "I think this guy is going to be pretty good."

Another time, I won some tickets on Twitter and got to see you guys blow the T-Wolves out at home and you didn't play much and then I got wicked hammered, but it was still cool to see you do your thing for like 20 minutes.

The greatest memory I have of you in person is when you tied your career high of 42 points at Indy in 2011. Even though the Bulls lost, you made everyone on the Pacers look like idiots for most of the game. You entered the game for Ronnie Brewer at the 8:11 mark in the 4th quarter down 80-95 and proceeded to score the next 19 of our 22 points. It was fucking incredible to watch. Every possession was a pick and roll with like Kurt Thomas probably and you either scored or got fouled. Then you got fouled shooting a 3 near the end of the game and made all your free throws to tie it at 102. Then Danny Granger foolishly tried to shoot a 3 to win it and you blocked him, sending the game into OT. I chanted "M-V-P" up in the nose bleed seats with my friends and I'm pretty sure you heard us and briefly we were friends. Anyways, then you fouled out and we lost.

I will one day tell my kids about how mindbogglingly explosive you were. In 30 years, when there's some new flashy guard in the league that my kid thinks is "the bee's knees", I'll tell him he's an idiot and send him to youtube and make him watch you do some crazy shit. He'll love it. And then we'll bond over you being awesome.

Thanks for helping me bond with my future son, Derrick Rose. I will always love you.

Shit Stacey King Says: Thursday, April 26, 2012 Bulls vs. Cavs

Every Bulls Game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "Ah ha ha ha. He had an acceptance speech out there. Oh my goodness." - Scalabrine was trying to get the crowd pumped up with a speech before the game
• "    " - C.J. Watson hit the side of the backboard on a wide open corner 3 and somehow Stacey didn't say anything
• "There we go. The Turkish Hammer." - Omer Asik put back. Stacey seems bored tonight. He's not even yelling when he says things.
• "Watch yourself." - Taj Gibson had a pretty nice dunk. Seriously, Stacey is just mailing this one in.
• "Ohh, that's a nice move by the rookie. Jumpin' Jimmy Butler. Goes from one side of the court to the other." - Jimmy Butler reverse layup. Stacey didn't even raise his voice. Someone get this dude a Red Bull.
• "He's not the microwave. He's the easy bake oven." - Stacey's response to Neil Funk's comment about John Lucas III shooting a bunch this game
• "Ohhhh...no soup for you." - Noah with a block
• "Mike JAMES....who, Neil? ... Neil, when I say 'Mike James who?', you say Mike James. ...All right that's what I'm talkin' about. You gotta stay with me there." - Mike James 3 pointer

Fun with Basketball Reference: 2012 Single Game Stats

Most Shot Attempts

No surprises here. How about that monstrous 40/19/4 game from Kevin Love? That was a bit better than Melo's 25 points on 30 shots. Yikes.

Most Points

Wow, I definitely forgot about Deron going off for 57. Look at that shit. 57 points on 29 shots. That is what would commonly be referred to as "effeciency" or "woah dude that's really good". 21 free throw attempts!

Also shout out to my dawg Ben Gordon for randomly going off for 45 in a game this year. Kind of miss you, BG.

He's probably grabbing his nuts with his other hand

The NBA's Best Lineups and How Chicago Compares

With the Bulls' last game of the regular season tonight against the Cavs, I thought I'd take a look at how Chicago's 5 man units performed. This will mostly be per 100 possessions statistics because that shit is so good.

Best NBA Point Differential Lineups

The Bulls' most used lineup this year was Rose, Brewer, Deng, Boozer, and Noah. That lineup also turned out to be the best overall lineup of the 2012 season with a point differential of +17.0 in 290 minutes. This lineup ranked 2nd in the league in DRtg (96.0) and was 5th in ORtg (113.0). That's pretty fucking impressive.

It's scary to think about how good this team would have been if they would have stayed 100% healthy this year. The Heat's best lineup (+10.3) of Chalmers, Wade, James, Bosh, and Anthony played 533 minutes in 39 games and locked up the 2nd seed in the East. The Pacers' best lineup (+9.0) of Collison, George, Granger, West, and Hibbert played 1000 minutes in 55 games and locked up the 3rd seed in the east. Basically what I'm trying to say is, the best possible team they could assemble played about 2x the amount of minutes (Heat) and 3.5x the amount of minutes (Pacers) more than the Bulls this year.

Shit Stacey King Says: April 25, 2012 Bulls at Pacers

Every Bulls Game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "He was late getting over there, but he was early for that jumper right in his face" - Korver jump shot over Dahntay Jones
• "Elementary, my dear Watson." - C.J. Watson jump shot
• "Get the pistols poppin'. There he is." - Noah made a jump shot
• "Oh, Luol Deng-gerous." - Luol Deng jumper
• "Oh, he's passing out tickets to the Booze Cruise." - Boozer jumper
• "Woahhh, watch yo headdd." - Taj Gibson dunk

Rose on the Cover of GQ

You can find the full interview here. It mostly focuses on his quiet nature and how it clashes with his lifestyle. By far the best quote in the article, is the one about being compared to Michael Jordan.

Unlike every other basketball player I've ever spoken to, Rose does not shy from comparisons to Jordan. "I've run into him a couple of times, but we don't have a relationship," he says. "His titles drive me. I'm not scared of him; if anything, it makes me work harder when I do train."

Rest of the photos after the break.

Nikola Mirotic wins 2012 Euroleague Rising Star Award for the 2nd Striaght Year

Hopefully the Bulls got a steal with the 23rd pick

Mirotic (2011 23rd pick) is the first two time winner of this award. Previous winners include Andrea Bargnani (2006 1st pick), Rudy Fernandez (2007 24th pick), Danilo Gallinari (2008 6th pick), and Ricky Rubio (2009 5th pick).

Mirotic, a 21 year old 6'10 231 lbs. PF, averaged 12.5 points and 4.5 rebounds in 22.6 minutes for Real Madrid this year. He also posted some seriously impressive shooting percentages with splits of 57%/43.9%/91.8%! That looks extremely tasty.

Last year in the U20 tourney, Mirotic took home MVP honors with a line of 27 points, 10 rebounds, 0.8 steals, 1.4 blocks, and 1.8 turnovers in 31.6 minutes while maintaining pretty absurd averages of 63.4%/40%/85.1%. As the bros says, that's a sick line, bro.

Shit Stacey King Says: April 16, 2012 Bulls vs. Wizards

Every game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "I tell you what watch your head there, Mr. Seraphin." - Noah dunks on Seraphin
• "Cartier Martin with the...with the lasso on Jimmy Butler." - Martin fouls Butler by dragging him to the floor.
• "*part growl* Ohhhhhhhh....JUMPIN' Jimmy Butler." - Korver alley oop to Butler
• "If there's an MVP for benches, the Bulls bench would be the MVP." - Stacey gushing over the bench mob
• "*part growl* CEEEEJAYYY WATTTSSSSONAHHH" - CJ Watson 3 pointer
• "Ah who's that masked man right there?" - Rip Hamilton long jumper
• "He's got some long fingers. He got those Arsenio Hall fingers." - Chris Singleton gets a finger tip on Rip's jump shot.

Shit Stacey King Says: April 15, 2012 Bulls at Pistions

Every game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "Put him in the spin cycle, Neil Funk." - Boozer did his little spin move in the post
• "*part growl* Ohhhh...CeeeJayyy Watttsssoonnnahhh" - CJ hit a pull up 3
• "There it is - heart, hustle, and muscle. Joakim Noah." - Noah tipped the ball twice and got it to go in
• "*part growl* Ohhhh....Riiiippp" - Rip Hamilton 3
• "Derrick Rose just threw Brandon Knight down like a rag doll. ...I mean get in the weight room." - Derrick Rose threw Brandon Knight Down like a rag doll trying to come off a screen on offense.
• "That was *part growl* nasssstaayyyyy" - Jason Maxiell with a nasty put back
• "*part growl* Roonnnnie Brewah. Gave a little look away to Kyle Korver, everybody went to Kyle, opened up like the Red Sea." - Brewer fake pass to Korver and then a dunk
• "I tell you what..." - Stacey King says this before basically any analysis.
• "He's open as soon as he gets off the bus." - Kyle Kover 3 pointer

Chicago Bulls All-Awesome Team 2000-2012

I decided to make a "All-Awesome Team" because fuck it I'm bored. I'm choosing one player from each of the 2000-2012 teams. The same player cannot be selected twice. Chosen players have to be bad or weird or white or fuck this criteria I'm just going to pick people.

Point Guard - Khalid El-Amin 2000-2001

*sounds of really loud mouth breathing*

The Bulls selected El-Amin in the 2nd round with the 5th pick. 2000-2001 was the only year he played in the NBA. 

Averages

50 Games

18.7 Minutes

6.3 Points

2.9 Assists

1.6 Rebounds

41.5% eFG%

12.2 PER

Chosen because

• Great Name
• He looks like a boxer at the end of a fight in that picture
• 5-10 200 lbs
• He used to be BFFs with Rip Hamilton

Shining Moment

Khalid dropped 21 points off the bench against the Wizards in 25 minutes (Bryce Drew started that game)

C.J. Watson's Game Tying 3.

 Love You, C.J.

Carlos Boozer's Head Poorly Photoshopped onto Kate Upton's Body for No Reason

Told you

My Favorite part of "The Jordan Rules" By Sam Smith

Grantland on Joakim Noah

Grantland is a sports/pop culture website started by Bill Simmons. You already knew this if you weren't an idiot. Topics range from ridiculous/awful/stupid shit nobody gives a shit about (looking at you Molly Lambert), to extremely interesting (Yay, Sebastian Pruiti!).

Joakim Noah has popped up a few different posts this week, which is obviously awesome.

First, Bill Simmons left him on the bubble for his annual NBA Trade Value column saying:

The bad news: Making $60 million through 2016 … and we have no idea if the Bulls can survive offensively playing Noah in crunch time in June. The good news: He's played better after a botched attempt to sabotage his own trade value in the Dwight Howard talks. The great news: It's really fun to Photoshop his hair on other NBA players. As we're going to prove in Part 2 of this column.

Three things:

1. Surviving in the playoffs with Noah on offense largely depends on how well Rip, Deng, and Boozer are playing. Noah should be our last option on offense if everything goes according to plan. He will get his points on offensive rebounds, hustle plays, and the occasional "left so wide open I have to shoot this" tornado jumpshot which leads to tha fingagunz.
2. Anyone who thinks Noah tried to "sabotage" his own trade value by not playing up to par at the beginning of this year is an idiot. Bill Simmons is an idiot sometimes.
3. The photoshops of his hair on other players is pretty great. I'll throw the pictures at the end of this post.

What's the Difference Between C.J. Watson and John Lucas III?

The Bulls just lost to the Magic, it's after 11pm, and I'm drunk. Let's look up some fucking stats.

John Lucas III hasn't been awful this season. I've always just assumed he was just a shitty, undersized chucker, but this season he has filled his position relatively well in a time of need with Rose and C.J. missing sizable chunks of the season. In the random arbitrary number of 20 minutes played (6 games), JLIII has averaged 13.2 PPG on 48% eFG%. Pretty okay, right? The Bulls are 4-2 in those games, which is also pretty okay. But how much better is C.J.?

The easiest way to compare the two is just a straight head to head comparison of the two. Lucas has actually played in two more games than Watson this year (29-27, Lucas starting 2 games and Watson starting 8), but Watson has played 237 more minutes.

The per game comparison looks like this:

Player	G	GS	MP	FG	FGA	FG%	3P	3PA	3P%	FT	FTA	FT%	ORB	DRB	TRB	AST	STL	BLK	TOV	PF	PTS
John Lucas	29	2	11.9	2.1	5.6	.383	0.8	1.8	.431	0.5	0.6	.824	0.4	0.9	1.3	1.7	0.3	0.0	0.8	0.8	5.5
C.J. Watson	27	8	21.5	3.4	8.5	.400	1.4	3.3	.432	1.6	2.0	.796	0.4	1.5	2.0	3.9	1.0	0.1	1.7	1.9	9.8

Provided by Basketball-Reference.com: View Original Table


C.J. looks like the obvious favorite here. This doesn't exactly tell the whole picture though. C.J.'s higher minutes per game yield higher per game numbers (obviously). Yes I think C.J. is the better player thus justifying him getting more minutes, but let's take a look at each player's per-36 numbers.

A Statistical Look at the Bulls with Rip Hamilton in the Lineup

Rip Hamilton is injured again.

I'll pause for a few seconds to let everyone finish gasping and questioning their god.

Okay, good. Shocking right? Not really. I WAS BEING SARCASTIC. Anyways, I thought I would take a look at the statistical impact Rip has had on the Bulls when he's played with the full starting lineup. Join me on this magical journey.

For this, I will be using the awesome Play Index+ and, more specifically, the Lineup Finder.

Now before I look up these numbers let me just say that with the "eye test", Rip seems to provide a whole different dimension to the offense. He draws attention from multiple defenders coming off screens and takes much needed pressure to score off of Rose. If Rip was healthy, I think the Bulls would have a decent shot to take down the Heat. On to the numb3rz!

The two lineups the Bulls have used the most this season and the lineups that I will be comparing:

• Rose, Brewer, Deng, Boozer, Noah
• 235 minutes played in 18 games
• 13.05 minutes per game

• Rose, Hamilton, Deng, Boozer, Noah
• 164.9 minutes played in 9 games
• 18.32 minutes per game

These lineups will be compared per 100 possessions.

Fun with Basketball-Reference: Chicago Bulls Part 1

I like to poke around Basketball Reference to pass the time when I'm bored, so I might as well post about it every now and then. Here are some interesting things I've found this season.

• Kyle Korver
• Assisted on .913 of his shots
• Only 17 FGM in losses (8 losses this year)
• .403 3PT% (32nd in the league)

• Ronnie Brewer
• eFG% is 5% better on the road
• Assisted on 5% more of his shots on the road
• Shooting 1/9 3PT in losses this year
• .384 eFG% on jump shots
• eFG% breakdown of each quarter
• 1st - 39/75 - 56.7%
• 2nd - 27/63 - 42.9%
• No 3PM in 2nd Quarter this year
• 3rd - 27/79 - 35.4%
• 4th - 15/36 - 47.2%
• Career worst .460 eFG%
• His eFG% has been on a steady decline since 2008
• 08-09 .522
• 09-10 .497
• 10-11 .487
• 11-12 .460
• Career worst TOV% of 10.4% (career avg 9.7)

GIMME DAT

"GIMME DAT"

"GIMME DAT"

"GIMME DAT"

"GIMME DAT"

These Two Are Related

Joakim Noah

Noah's Sister

This is why the Bulls have the best logo in the NBA

LeBron jumps over John Lucas III for the alley-oop

Fuck the Heat, but this was pretty sick.

The Carlos Boozer Playbook: Part 3 - How Carlos Boozer Decides What to Yell

The Boozer Yell in action

Shit Stacey King Says: January 25, 2012 Bulls vs. Pacers

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "You're head is too small to do a bobble-head." Stacey with a classic zinger on Neil Funk
• "He forgot to ask someone about Derrick Rose's vertical leap." Rose blocks Paul George's jumper
• "I tell you what, Am-and-sand is like a bull in a china shop. He has NO finesse." Lou Amundson turnover
• "Trick or treat, taking your candy, Mr. Hibbert." Rose steals the ball from Hibbert in the post
• "Chicago's finest brew." Ronnie Brewer foul and the bucket
• "I'm a vanilla man. That's too much mustard on the hot dog." No idea

The Carlos Boozer Playbook: Part 2 - How to Make a Jumpshot

Step 1

Receive Ball

Step 2

Square Up and Act Like You Are Going to Drive to the Hoop

Step 3

Shoot a Jumper Straight up in the Air with the Ball Way Behind Your Head

The Many Faces of Kevin Love

Taco Trey Kirby has compiled a bunch of silly Kevin Love faces for us to enjoy 

(via The Basketball Jones)

Shit Stacey King Says: January 23, 2012 Bulls vs. Nets

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "Chicago's finest brew." Ronnie Brewer layup
• "Who's that masked man, Neil Funk? It's Rip Hamilton!" Rip made a tough shot fading to his right
• "OH, SCAL! THE WHITE MAMBA DON'T DO 'EM LIKE THAT! DON'T SHOW THEM THE VERSATILITY! SHOW ONE SIDE THEN GO TO THE OTHER! Boy that boy is smooth, Funk." Scalabrine with a reverse layup
• "He's not a side show. The White Mamba can play."
• "I'll tell ya. He had an off-season that you probably don't want to remember. He got married to Kim Kardashian and that...was a disaster. I mean, it was, that marriage was over as fast as your hair gone." Stacey zinging Kris Humphries and Neil Funk in one rant
• "I'm sittin' here 'are we talking to Doctor Phil'? He's like the ODE...ODA? What is that? Dan is...Dan has his own language. I like Dan. Dan, Dan is creative. I like a man who's creative." No idea what the fuck this whole thing was about. Some guy came on during a timeout and was talking about Noah's "Outward Display of Emotion"
• "I tell you right there, it's trick or treat. We're taking your candy." Rose had back to back steals
• "Scalabrine, he's showing it all. NOT ONLY CAN HE SHOOT THE JUMPER, BUT HE GETS HIS TEAMMATES INVOLVED. So smooth, so smooth." Scalabrine with an assist to Boozer.
• "AHHHH, LET ME TAKE A STEP BACK AND KISS MYSELF, NEIL FUNK. *kissing noises*" Derrick Rose step back jumper

Shit Stacey King Says: January 21, 2012 Bulls vs. Bobcats

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "He's still passing out tickets to the Booze Cruise." Boozer made his first jumpshot
• "They parted that like the Red Sea." There was a driving lane for CJ
• "This is what we call post up right here, like Raisin Bran." Boozer made a baby hook over Mullens
• "Deng-gerous." Luol Deng made a jumpshot
• "Ohhhh no soup for you!" Omer Asik blocked a shot
• "Luol Deng-gerous Deng" Deng put-back dunk
• "Kemba Walker is 6 foot, if that. Maybe if he had heels on."
• He referred to Omer Asik as the Turkish Wall
• "That jumper is wet, Funk. It's wet!" Boozer made a jumper

Shit Stacey King Says: January 20, 2012 Bulls @ Cavs

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch Phrase!"

• "Heeeeere's Johnny!" John Lucas III made a jumper.
• "Hop aboard the Booz cruise" Carlos Boozer made a layup.
• "Well, Funk, you know what I call that: Heart, hustle, and muscle." On Taj and Noah continuing to play after rolling their ankles.
• "CJ Watson. Elementary, my dear." CJ Watson used a crossover to go by someone.
• "Mouse in the house. Free cheese, Funk." Rip Hamilton scored an and-one by posting up a smaller defender.
• "I don't block a lot of shots, but when I do, it's yours." Stacey talking as if he were Luol Deng after Deng's block on Omri Caspi.
• "Can I get some butter with that roll, CJ WAT-SON-AH?!" CJ made a layup
• "Hah, I think he forgot the rim was 10 feet. Is he shooting on a nerf hoop?" Ramon Sessions bricked a layup.
• "WHAT'S HIS NAME?! MIKE JAMES!" Mike James with an and-one
• "If you're scared go buy a dog, Neil Funk." Talking about Luke Harangody pump faking too much.
• "Yes sir. The White Mamba strikes." Scalabrine hits a jumper.

The Miami Heat Get Their Retro Vibes On

The bros on the Miami Heat decided they wanted to be hilarious and model what it would look like if they were playing in the '70s.

The Carlos Boozer Playbook: Part 1 - How to Score in the Post

Step 1

Recieve Ball in Post

Step 2

Contemplate Options

"Ehhhh, do I really want to make a stupid post move?"