The Stacey King Off-Season

The off-season is not only a time for Stacey to reflect upon his previous seasons' work, but to also prepare for the upcoming year.  "What worked and what didn't?  Did my cadence properly reflect the moment?  How can I fit more catch phrases into the telecast?  Should I just tell Funk to suck it and talk 100% of the time?"

The 2013-2014 Bulls roster is basically complete.  It is now that Stacey begins to craft his verbal sculptures.  This is the Summer of Stacey.

Stacey King - The Offseason

Stacey slowly opens the door as it moans with resistance.  Feeling up and down the the wall, he flips the power switch on.  A single, bare bulb awakens, filling the room with a silent hum.  The dusty, windowless room bites his nostrils.  This place hasn't seen life in exactly a year.

"Hello, old friend", he mutters as he sets his supplies in place.

His family thinks he's on his annual week long summer Bulls PR tour.  No, this is a time for Stacey to carefully create the next catch phrase sensation.

Shit Stacey King Says: Thursday, April 26, 2012 Bulls vs. Cavs

Every Bulls Game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "Ah ha ha ha. He had an acceptance speech out there. Oh my goodness." - Scalabrine was trying to get the crowd pumped up with a speech before the game
• "    " - C.J. Watson hit the side of the backboard on a wide open corner 3 and somehow Stacey didn't say anything
• "There we go. The Turkish Hammer." - Omer Asik put back. Stacey seems bored tonight. He's not even yelling when he says things.
• "Watch yourself." - Taj Gibson had a pretty nice dunk. Seriously, Stacey is just mailing this one in.
• "Ohh, that's a nice move by the rookie. Jumpin' Jimmy Butler. Goes from one side of the court to the other." - Jimmy Butler reverse layup. Stacey didn't even raise his voice. Someone get this dude a Red Bull.
• "He's not the microwave. He's the easy bake oven." - Stacey's response to Neil Funk's comment about John Lucas III shooting a bunch this game
• "Ohhhh...no soup for you." - Noah with a block
• "Mike JAMES....who, Neil? ... Neil, when I say 'Mike James who?', you say Mike James. ...All right that's what I'm talkin' about. You gotta stay with me there." - Mike James 3 pointer

Shit Stacey King Says: April 25, 2012 Bulls at Pacers

Every Bulls Game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "He was late getting over there, but he was early for that jumper right in his face" - Korver jump shot over Dahntay Jones
• "Elementary, my dear Watson." - C.J. Watson jump shot
• "Get the pistols poppin'. There he is." - Noah made a jump shot
• "Oh, Luol Deng-gerous." - Luol Deng jumper
• "Oh, he's passing out tickets to the Booze Cruise." - Boozer jumper
• "Woahhh, watch yo headdd." - Taj Gibson dunk

Shit Stacey King Says: April 16, 2012 Bulls vs. Wizards

Every game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "I tell you what watch your head there, Mr. Seraphin." - Noah dunks on Seraphin
• "Cartier Martin with the...with the lasso on Jimmy Butler." - Martin fouls Butler by dragging him to the floor.
• "*part growl* Ohhhhhhhh....JUMPIN' Jimmy Butler." - Korver alley oop to Butler
• "If there's an MVP for benches, the Bulls bench would be the MVP." - Stacey gushing over the bench mob
• "*part growl* CEEEEJAYYY WATTTSSSSONAHHH" - CJ Watson 3 pointer
• "Ah who's that masked man right there?" - Rip Hamilton long jumper
• "He's got some long fingers. He got those Arsenio Hall fingers." - Chris Singleton gets a finger tip on Rip's jump shot.

Shit Stacey King Says: April 15, 2012 Bulls at Pistions

Every game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "Put him in the spin cycle, Neil Funk." - Boozer did his little spin move in the post
• "*part growl* Ohhhh...CeeeJayyy Watttsssoonnnahhh" - CJ hit a pull up 3
• "There it is - heart, hustle, and muscle. Joakim Noah." - Noah tipped the ball twice and got it to go in
• "*part growl* Ohhhh....Riiiippp" - Rip Hamilton 3
• "Derrick Rose just threw Brandon Knight down like a rag doll. ...I mean get in the weight room." - Derrick Rose threw Brandon Knight Down like a rag doll trying to come off a screen on offense.
• "That was *part growl* nasssstaayyyyy" - Jason Maxiell with a nasty put back
• "*part growl* Roonnnnie Brewah. Gave a little look away to Kyle Korver, everybody went to Kyle, opened up like the Red Sea." - Brewer fake pass to Korver and then a dunk
• "I tell you what..." - Stacey King says this before basically any analysis.
• "He's open as soon as he gets off the bus." - Kyle Kover 3 pointer

Shit Stacey King Says: January 25, 2012 Bulls vs. Pacers

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "You're head is too small to do a bobble-head." Stacey with a classic zinger on Neil Funk
• "He forgot to ask someone about Derrick Rose's vertical leap." Rose blocks Paul George's jumper
• "I tell you what, Am-and-sand is like a bull in a china shop. He has NO finesse." Lou Amundson turnover
• "Trick or treat, taking your candy, Mr. Hibbert." Rose steals the ball from Hibbert in the post
• "Chicago's finest brew." Ronnie Brewer foul and the bucket
• "I'm a vanilla man. That's too much mustard on the hot dog." No idea

Shit Stacey King Says: January 21, 2012 Bulls vs. Bobcats

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch phrase!"

• "He's still passing out tickets to the Booze Cruise." Boozer made his first jumpshot
• "They parted that like the Red Sea." There was a driving lane for CJ
• "This is what we call post up right here, like Raisin Bran." Boozer made a baby hook over Mullens
• "Deng-gerous." Luol Deng made a jumpshot
• "Ohhhh no soup for you!" Omer Asik blocked a shot
• "Luol Deng-gerous Deng" Deng put-back dunk
• "Kemba Walker is 6 foot, if that. Maybe if he had heels on."
• He referred to Omer Asik as the Turkish Wall
• "That jumper is wet, Funk. It's wet!" Boozer made a jumper

Shit Stacey King Says: January 20, 2012 Bulls @ Cavs

Every Bulls game, Stacey King yells a bunch of things

 about a bunch of things and I write them down here.

"Catch Phrase!"

• "Heeeeere's Johnny!" John Lucas III made a jumper.
• "Hop aboard the Booz cruise" Carlos Boozer made a layup.
• "Well, Funk, you know what I call that: Heart, hustle, and muscle." On Taj and Noah continuing to play after rolling their ankles.
• "CJ Watson. Elementary, my dear." CJ Watson used a crossover to go by someone.
• "Mouse in the house. Free cheese, Funk." Rip Hamilton scored an and-one by posting up a smaller defender.
• "I don't block a lot of shots, but when I do, it's yours." Stacey talking as if he were Luol Deng after Deng's block on Omri Caspi.
• "Can I get some butter with that roll, CJ WAT-SON-AH?!" CJ made a layup
• "Hah, I think he forgot the rim was 10 feet. Is he shooting on a nerf hoop?" Ramon Sessions bricked a layup.
• "WHAT'S HIS NAME?! MIKE JAMES!" Mike James with an and-one
• "If you're scared go buy a dog, Neil Funk." Talking about Luke Harangody pump faking too much.
• "Yes sir. The White Mamba strikes." Scalabrine hits a jumper.